Dennys' reputation for funky fare largely deserved

***This is the first in a bi-weekly series of restaurant reviews exclusive to TOKM***

For my first salvo into the rarefied air of restaurant reviews, I set my sights square on Saginaw Highway and Interstate 69 in Lansing--destination: Denny's.
This always-open full-service family diner chain has a reputation for somewhat less than fine dining and, as it turns out, it's a reputation that is largely deserved.
But, at the end of the day, where else can you go to soak up some Saturday night sobriety? (The preceding sentence neither promotes weekend drunkness nor Denny's as an antidote to it.)

Step up to the plate

After waiting 20 minutes to get so much as a look from the waitstaff, I made my intentions known: it was to be a Grand Slam with scrambled eggs, bacon, two pancakes and hash browns. The Grand Slam is the Burger King equivalent of the Whopper combo

The verdict

The eggs ran; the bacon tasted like peanut brittle minus the peanut taste normally associated with the best-known variety of brittle--in fairness they may have actually been "beggin' strips"; the center portions of my pancakes had the consistency of paper mache; the hash browns weren't bad, though I believe "fried potatoes" is the preferred nomenclature.
In fairness, however, it didn't take my Grand Slam long to round the bases. It was out of the kitchen and on my table in less than 10 minutes.

You have options, exercise them

I must tip my hat to Denny's for only closing its doors when it is mandated by law. It is, however, confounding to me that many are unaware of the fact that there are so many other options. Hitting up Denny's at four o'clock in the morning to take the edge off hunger pains of the early morning is one thing, but why go during regular business hours? You have options; exercise them.

Of course they do have WI-FI

More and more Denny's locations are getting wired for the internet, which does give the chain a bit of a boost. That being said, WI-FI is a little sketchy at their flagship Capital-area location. You cannot just login here; you have to get a network key from your waiter, a wireless code he or she will write down for you on the back of an old receipt. Once you get connected, search Google for the nearest IHOP location and get back behind the wheel.

Connect the dots

Since March of 2006, there have been no fewer than four shootings at Denny's locations in the United States. To borrow a phrase from the great Chris Rock, "I'm not saying it's right...but I understand."